Formal letter
Dear Professor Brad,
My Name is Liu Chuangyuan. I am currently studying telematics (Intelligent Transport System Engineering) at SIT (Singapore Institute of Technology). I am writing this letter introduce myself.
I was born in a small city in China together with my identical twin brother who is about five minutes older than me. Our parents sent us to Singapore in Apr 2012 hoping that we can receive better education and have a brighter future.
Unllike the others, I am the only student from JC in this course. I entered Anderson Junior College in 2017, I was in the science stream and I studied maths, physics, chemistry, economics and general paper. My JC life was miserable, I struggled with my studies throughout the 2 years. I kept failing my tests and exams and eventually did very badly in my A’Levels. However, I am happy that I can continue my studies in SIT as SIT encourages hands-on learning, which is very different from the content heavy teaching style in JC.
I chose telematics simply because it has a bright future and I believe that I am able to do well in the course due to my strength in maths and physics. Another reason why I chose to study telematics is that the demand for telematics in China is now increasing rapidly, therefore if I ever want to go back to China in the future, I will be able to find a job with no problem.
My strength in communication is that I am a good listener. When I am involved in a discussion, I always listen to what people have to say and try to understand it before voicing out my opinion. In the first year of JC, we had a subjected called "Project Work" (PW) where students are split into groups and are supposed to come up with a project together. There was one time when two of my group members got angry trying to convince each other that their idea was better. They got mad as they were not listening to each other, so I stepped in, listened to what each of them had to say and manage to combine their ideas in to one, and that ended the conflict.
My weakness in communication is that I have very bad stage fright. I become really nervous when speaking publicly to a large number of people, even to my own classmates that I have known for many years. In secondary 2, there was one time when my english teacher asked me to tell a story about myself in front of the whole class, I got so nervous that my face was twitching, hands were shaking and I stuttered very badly throughout the whole session. It was so embarrassing that I could not forget about it untill now.
I hope that technical communication helps me to develop effective communication skills so that I can handle occasions that require communication better, and build better networks with people. Also, I hope the course helps me to overcome my stage fright and make me more confident when speaking publicly.
I hope that this letter lets you know me better.
Sincerely,
Liu Chuangyuan
Editted on 26 Sep
Commented on Roy's and Ching wei's blog
https://chingweitan95.blogspot.com/
https://communicatespoon.blogspot.com/
My Name is Liu Chuangyuan. I am currently studying telematics (Intelligent Transport System Engineering) at SIT (Singapore Institute of Technology). I am writing this letter introduce myself.
I was born in a small city in China together with my identical twin brother who is about five minutes older than me. Our parents sent us to Singapore in Apr 2012 hoping that we can receive better education and have a brighter future.
Unllike the others, I am the only student from JC in this course. I entered Anderson Junior College in 2017, I was in the science stream and I studied maths, physics, chemistry, economics and general paper. My JC life was miserable, I struggled with my studies throughout the 2 years. I kept failing my tests and exams and eventually did very badly in my A’Levels. However, I am happy that I can continue my studies in SIT as SIT encourages hands-on learning, which is very different from the content heavy teaching style in JC.
I chose telematics simply because it has a bright future and I believe that I am able to do well in the course due to my strength in maths and physics. Another reason why I chose to study telematics is that the demand for telematics in China is now increasing rapidly, therefore if I ever want to go back to China in the future, I will be able to find a job with no problem.
My strength in communication is that I am a good listener. When I am involved in a discussion, I always listen to what people have to say and try to understand it before voicing out my opinion. In the first year of JC, we had a subjected called "Project Work" (PW) where students are split into groups and are supposed to come up with a project together. There was one time when two of my group members got angry trying to convince each other that their idea was better. They got mad as they were not listening to each other, so I stepped in, listened to what each of them had to say and manage to combine their ideas in to one, and that ended the conflict.
My weakness in communication is that I have very bad stage fright. I become really nervous when speaking publicly to a large number of people, even to my own classmates that I have known for many years. In secondary 2, there was one time when my english teacher asked me to tell a story about myself in front of the whole class, I got so nervous that my face was twitching, hands were shaking and I stuttered very badly throughout the whole session. It was so embarrassing that I could not forget about it untill now.
I hope that technical communication helps me to develop effective communication skills so that I can handle occasions that require communication better, and build better networks with people. Also, I hope the course helps me to overcome my stage fright and make me more confident when speaking publicly.
I hope that this letter lets you know me better.
Sincerely,
Liu Chuangyuan
Editted on 26 Sep
Commented on Roy's and Ching wei's blog
https://chingweitan95.blogspot.com/
https://communicatespoon.blogspot.com/
Hi Chuang Yuan! It was fun reading about the time you spent in Junior College as coming from Polytechnic i always wondered how it was like being in JC. I am glad that you are able to secure a place in Telematics along side me given your passion for Engineering. However you can improve this letter by eliminating short forms like "till".
回复删除Overall i enjoyed the flow of your introduction and i hope to work alongside you for the next few years!
Thanks Ching Wei
删除Hi Chuang Yuan, it was enriching reading about your post on formal letter. It gives a clear view on your personal background, what kind of character you are as a student, education and the hope of what you would like to achieve through this course. Personally, it gives an insight on how was JC life like for you. On a side note, the letter could be improve by changing the phrasing of some words repetitive and the usage of punctuation for the ending of a sentence instead of using comma(,).
回复删除Overall, I enjoyed your letter and hope that we could enjoy working together for the years to come.
Best Regards,
Roy Yong
Thanks Roy
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回复删除此评论已被作者删除。
回复删除Dear Chuang Yuan,
回复删除Thank you for this well-developed and informative letter. I feel that you’ve provided enough concrete detail that we readers learn something significant about your background, both in terms of education and communication skills. For example, you give a clear explanation of why you want to study telematics, and you share anecdotes from your experience to illustrate your communication strength and weakness. I am especially impressed by tyhe example of how you resolved your JC project work mates' conflict through attentive listening (and negotiation).
Providing in-depth supporting discussion such as that example adds to your letter’s substance and indicates that you’re making ‘mental’ connections between prior experience, your current learning path, and your very nature. This is the essence of critical reflection.
In terms of your comm skills weakness, and then goals, I hope that you’ll have a chance to further develop your confidence and public speaking in the upcoming oral activities. We should also address yo\ur writing since we now have a chance:
1. word use/collocation/phrasing
-- I am writing this letter introduce myself. > I am writing this letter to introduce myself.
-- receive better education and have a brighter future. > receive a better education and have a brighter future.
-- we had a subjected > (spelling)
-- listened to what each of them had to say and manage > (verb tense inconsistency)
-- my english teacher > (missing cap)
-- I hope the course helps me to overcome my stage fright and make me ... > (lack of parallel verb structures)
2. sentence structure
-- I entered Anderson Junior College in 2017, I was in the ... > (comma splice)
-- My JC life was miserable, I struggled ... > ?
-- the demand for telematics in China is now increasing rapidly, therefore if I ever want to go back... > (one comma splice & one missing comma) ?
-- my english teacher asked me to tell a story about myself in front of the whole class, I got ... > (comma splice)
I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Thank you for your feedback sir!
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